My Shell

Trusting was a mistake.
I repeatedly committed.
But with you things changed.
You compelled me to believe it wasn’t.

You carefully peeled my attire
Each layer one by one.
To remove all the shells I’d worn
Leaving me stark naked and exposed.

You held me close
Grasping and clasping me ever so tight.
And whispered in my ear with utmost care,
My baby girl, you’ll always be mine.

It was an unwritten contract
We willingly agreed to sign
Misleading me into believing in you,
A shell just created for you and I.

Happiness never lasts.
The truth never remains true.
Deception became a strategy you mastered
That I’d fallen prey to.

That void is back.
I’m never to be whole again you see
Do I resign myself to think
we were never meant to be?

And once more I recede into my shell
Where happiness is synonymous to disappointment.
Where emptiness is blinding.
Where hope is an eternal pointless moment.

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EFFECT

Astounded by the effect someone else can have on you

Now or later doesn’t matter

Presence or absence doesn’t matter

You are just vulnerable!

‘A change which is a result or consequence of an action or other cause’ defines the dictionary.

I can say it’s even more

It’s just not the result or the consequences

It’s that feeling… that feeling when EFFECT is happening!

Should I call it effect or affect?

Affect is just effect in working

So it tumbles down to effect, again.

Love or hate someone exclusively?

You are just vulnerable!

So much effort is for someone you love

As you spend most of your time to know how to love them more (you’re effected!)

Or

For someone you hate

As you spend most of your time learning how to hate them more (you’re effected!)

Hold on! Don’t think loving will be positive and hating will be negative

It most of the time opposite!

Every action, every reaction of your love can drive you crazy (-ve)

A good word or maybe a bad one

Can have extreme reactions (on you)

And otherwise….Hate someone

Their every move, every thought you want to figure

And this can make you happy

Because your imagination can go crazy (+ve).

Loving or hating can keep you going on for a lifetime… Why?

Cause it’s got that EFFECT

That effect on you!

PS: Can only happen if you let it,

If you give permission

If you give access

If you open the door.

So, sometimes don’t switch on your light

Don’t give someone else access to your life

Decide for yourself

Decide based on what you want.

Be selfish!

Rule your own life!

Love yourself… smile for your soul.

OPEN HIS WINDOWS

Even though, he smiled and spread his charisma

Like he knew why he was sent on earth

And brought light to the dark

Like he knew he was our guardian angel.

There he was… struggling for victory,

At war with himself, when I met him!

To the world he wrote so that they knew themselves better by reading him

But he had another side too….

This was undefined, unwritten and unspoken.

Happy to him was living in beatitude,

But he said he hated happiness.

Happy to him was being a baby,

But he said he didn’t feel for it.

Because happiness had broken his heart

And that happiness had created sadness in him.

But my life had already imprisoned him

Because I had become a…

Dreamer of his doings,

And believer of his thinking!

So, I want to open the windows and let the sun illuminate him

And intensify him with a pocket full of sunshine.

I want to hold his heart

And cover it in satin.

I want to hold his hand

Make him reach out the distance and help him ink it down.

I want to pull him out of somewhere there

And bring him back,

To let him feel the rain on his skin

Cause no one else can for him.

Only he can let it in,

Fight his pain and set himself free!

Alas! I live in fear I might just not have enough time

Until he reached the terminus

To show him he could count on me.

But I will try because I don’t want to merely remain talking to the moon

Hoping he was on the other side replying!

Every teardrop is a waterfall

I asked her

“why are you crying?”

She said nothing.

So I started thinking.

What did I do to

Turn her big brown eyes

Into explosive red balls

struggling to stay in their orbits.

I must have done something bad.

I’m such an idiot. I’m not cautious.

Sometimes I don’t monitor my mouth

And all the frustration I accumulated

Gets converted into words

And I don’t even realize

when I tell them to her.

I always prove that

I’m terrific friend but a terrible lover.

What a crime to make a woman cry

When you’ve been raised by one.

So I asked her

“why are you crying?”

She said “nothing”.

But her eyes were marine bleu

Flooded by lachrymation.

The same eyes my mother had

When she had no one. No support.

When her dreams and love

Were taken away by an imbecile,

And she had to live thereafter

Through a two years old boy

She was destined to raise alone.

God no!

I don’t want to be like that man

I don’t want to be like my father.

I don’t want to destroy the life of

A wonderful girl who trusted me

With her love and happiness.

And just like it happens to the people

On the edge of life.

I saw the flow of our relationship.

The first time we exchanged eye contact,

The first time she let hold her hand,

And the “good morning love” every day.

So I looked at her,

With my heart raging in my chest,

In despair asked her

“Why are you crying?”

She looked back and…

Smiled. (sigh)

Thank God I thought.

I smiled too. But I couldn’t stop this

Drop of tear running

From inside.

Thought 21. Un-living.

Amazing Jellybean

eeseul24

(My, how depressing a post is before you! )

I was walking with a soul-brother recently and I let it all out in a span of 3-4 minutes. It happens to all of us, doesn’t it? In these unexpected moments, you find yourself having a mind that is most precise, sharp and full of clarity. You, who a day ago wasn’t sure of any opinion you had and possess a fluid-like perception, can now suddenly put together the pieces and in an almost flow-chart like manner explain everything.

To give you a gist of it, I told him about me. And I wasn’t happy.  The state of my room showed it – not even basic dis-organisation, but messy. I felt like I was living a day-to-day existence. It was a struggle to get out of bed, yet the bed had nails that I couldn’t stay in any longer.

And I…

View original post 628 more words

Stay or Stay Away

All this while I took pride
In the one thing I thought I was good at.
The one thing I never do is
Break promises
Or hurt the closest people to me
By letting go of my attachment.
And I have to confess,
For once, I went wrong.
You told me I was the closest thing to you in your current world.
You told me I’d be the only one you would miss, if you left.
You told me you’d never let go of me.
Because letting go of me is like letting go of you.
But you let go.
Of me.
Of you.
And it wrecked me considerably
That despite my initial efforts in pleading you to stay,
You never did.
I found it hard to believe you.
So I let go too.
Of you.
Of me.

Stay.
Stay was all I wanted you to do.
Stay was all I ever wanted from anyone.
Stay with me. Be the same.
The way you feel. The way you love.
Just Stay.

But you stayed away.
Your defense was the claim of change being inevitable.
So you stayed away.
You knew about all the others who never stayed.
And promised to do otherwise.
Yet you chose to stay away.

And what did I do?

I let you stay away while staying away too.
I cursed myself for trusting you.
Even tried to hate you for a while.
But that was a futile attempt.

Because I know you.
I know you hurt ’cause you’re hurting.
Know that you choose to stay away,
Not from me, or anyone for that matter,
But from the potential pain caused by people.

I failed to perceive the intentions behind your actions
The sorrow you bore alone.
I realise nothing will change between us.
And I have tried to keep things impersonal
So that I remain unswayed by you.

But can you honestly tell me
You are as happy now as we were before?
You agreed when I asked you this
‘Cause now you have “nerves of steel” and such sorts.

But what’s life worth living if you don’t live in the moment?
In a year, we might not even be around each other anymore.
That would be the end of it.
Would you genuinely feel nothing then?
Inexpressive though I may be, I admit it’s a moment I unimaginably dread.

So here I am, imploring you
To come back to me.. To stay with me.
Never again will I stay away.
Because we were meant to be.
Look back at the impressions.
Let’s relive the memories.
Make this work.
Defy change.
Stay.. For real.
And not let go..
Of you.
Nor me.

A Start

When you’re confused about something

Unsure if that’s the right thing

How do you proceed?
It’s that point when you’re at a standstill, and see no ends meet.
I’ve come across halts earlier
But none so holistically indulgent.
And now is the time I have to choose
My deep-seated intuition or scrutinize my situation.
My perusal was inevitable but my choice was not.
Resolving to face what comes before me, I gave the situation a shot.
Highly strung, hysterically jumpy, nerve wracking and skittish
There comes before me an unacquainted love, detaching my anxiety, my “problem” handing me a solution.
“Go with the flow”, said my stranger
Time is not our enemy
Let’s fill the blank slate with memories to cherish
Imprints etched on our little eternity.
When two personalities merge and form one soul
Things are bound to feel unerringly perfect.
The hush of hope, the reciprocal pulse, a keen visual connection
Was all it took to go with my gut.
To this moment I know not
If my choice is right and what I seek
But there is one thing I do know
I’m glad I met my stranger who had a certain mystique.

When you’re confused about something

Unsure if that’s the right thing
How do you proceed?
It’s that point when you’re at a standstill, and see no ends meet.
Go with your mind
And watch the rest tear apart.
Go with your heart
And watch the rest unravel.. Well, it’s a start!

Love book

You know there are some books you read,

The pages you turn unknowingly,

You aren’t one of them..

So absorbed you don’t know what’s around you,

Chapters pass by,

Every second is a second that isn’t accounted for,

That book isn’t you..

I turned every page with my soul,

my mind was in it,

was in control(well, under my heart)

You brightened every leaf,

Every reflection and colour.

All the seconds and hours,

I spent with happiness, was in my power,

Just waiting…waiting….to get a glimpse,

Of the reason my heart beats so fast in my chest.

The only time I’m outta control,

Is when I taste your lips on my own.

And I cant stop this drug,

I’m addicted. Its off the charts..

And sometimes I cannot breathe,

I see you and remember what’s been.

I love the sound of your voice,

It makes me crave for all those times..again..

And maybe…now it’ll never be,

Everything now maybe  a replay or fantasy,

And maybe I’m a pain in your arse,

My self respect might’ve gone for a toss,

And you’ll probably never see me in the same light again..

But..

Maybe, probably, I accept..

Because, well..

Love is love.

Just a Touch

HIM

Touch me
Touch me like you mean it
Look into my eyes as you
Let your hands run freely through my hair
Don’t hesitate;
It’s just me
Be unrestrained
Unrestricted
Just You and me
You pause.
You Give in.
Lose your inhibitions
I see your individuality
I see…. you
At your best
And I have you
All to myself.
I’m holding you close
Cherishing every moment
No more walls now
I breathe in,
Deep
Your scent overpowers my senses
Rolling like a wave then crashing on my body
And Travelling through me
We lean in
But don’t touch
It drives us wild
But neither will submit
Egos clash
For the first time
But it’s beautiful
Finally.
I break free
Our warmth unites us
Skin so smooth
I trace a line down your spine
Making your back arch
you stifle a moan
But I’ve barely begun.
Your sensuality feeds mine
We have all night
I’m taking my time
so are you.

HER

Touch me
Touch me like you mean it
For people have,
In a meaningless way done so before
and I’ve never felt the warmth I feel,
When you walk through the door.
A beam of sunshine,
The reason I smile.
You have rested this restless heart.
We talk and all I can hear
Is my soul whispering
“I am home”
I hold your hand and
Feel a bliss
Like the warmth of my bed in the biting cold
You’ve exposed every inch of
me
Without a word being told.

We effortlessly are
We effortlessly feel
We can effortlessly just be.

You look at me and into my soul
I bite my lip and stare back
We’re close but never close enough
You grab the small of my back.
Drawing me in,
hard and soft
I’m breathless
Hearts beat
Eyes shut
Feel deep
I shiver as you run your finger down my spine
Yes
I shiver
At the thought of
You
And
I .