Give me rum

Give me rum,

Let me disinfect my wounds,

Let me drink some,

I’ll give what’s left to you.

Selfish? I don’t think so,

Not with my heart,

Self obsessed at times,

Not without cause.

Stretching my cardiac muscles,

To let more in,

I think I’ll die,

Either way that’s given.

The trouble is my brain,

It’s set on self defence,

Consciously I tend to not keep any,

So my body has.

I feel to a great degree,

I might explode if not stopped,

So like a power off button,

It boots and shuts me down.

No,I’m not a zombie,

So, please don’t shoot!

I’m just human,

With a huge firewall system.

Hack into me,

Break through me,

Maybe you’ll kill me,

Or you’ll save me.

Give me rum,

I hear it loosens the bolts,

Maybe I’ll open the door,

Maybe I’ll let you through.

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An artist’s life

Written out on this white paper,

Are the doldrums of my mind,

I doodle with the words,

And try to make art.

Lover’s quarrels,

Murders,

Depression and happiness,

Even illusions.

Comical is the state,

Of one that feels all.

Empathizing degree set to max,

I shiver with the overload.

I love my convulsions,

Though I crash sometimes,

Because I know a part of me,

Is dead inside.

Cruel and loving,

Self obsessed and overcaring,

Confusing and undependable,

But lovable to a very great extent.

I live my own life in waves,

Sometimes unable to care,

If you want to ride with me sometime,

Bring your life support and other such gear.

I make my promises,

And break them too at times,

For my love for freedom,

For my love of life…

And sometimes I find myself lying on the ground,

A pen in my hand..

A muscle-y extension jutting out,

My thoughts tumbling around,

Fallen, observing or relaxing,

I don’t know which one.

I couldn’t care more..

I couldn’t care less..

Let Me In

Let me into that world

You created on your own.
Within which you lay and curl
Concealing all that should be shown.

Let me be your perfect stranger.
Find solace in the unknown.
For you know I’ll never judge,
I’ll be a silent companion when you’re alone.

Let me be your best friend.
To whom you show your best and your worst.
I’ll guide, criticise and praise being your devil’s advocate.
When something’s wrong, I’ll be the first to know.

Let me be your lover.
Your other half that completes you.
With a connection so intimate and intense,
It is together that we’ll get through.

Let me be your family.
Who unconditionally gives without expecting, I guarantee.
No one will dare raise a finger against you.
Because to get to you, first they’d have to get through me.

Let me into your world.
I know you’ve been previously deceived.
But take that leap of faith and give me a chance
It takes just a step to make all the wrongs right.

So,
Let me in..

Catch Me

Your look
Makes me weak inside.
Your scent
Drives me wild.
Your talk
Flickers a spark within.
Your kiss
Makes me lose myself.
Your touch
Makes me restless for more.

I’m no longer in control.
I’m in your hands.
You play me like strings of a harp.
Ever so gentle,
Getting me to moan to your touch.
Getting my inner core to sing to you.

When we’re alone
Our passion ignites us.
We’re a house on fire.
When people are around,
You walk in front of me,
So no one notices.
But how do I walk behind you,
Without me leaning into your scent?
I’m torn.. Trying to hold back,
Trying not to give in to my senses.
I still stand before you
With that unspoken connection,
Only we know of.

You make me weak.
You make me vulnerable.
You crack my shell, making me insecure.
Why do I let you overpower me?
This is not how I’m supposed to feel.

But am I in this alone?
Do you realise what you do to me?
It’s a one-sided obsession
Where you’re my drug, my addiction.
I feel like I’m falling alone
With no one above me to stop me,
With no one beside me to fall with me,
With no one beneath me to catch me.

Pain

Tic-tac tic-tac. Time doesn’t wait.

Somebody press my head to the ground,

Heated by a flamboyant sun,

And with a Thor-like hammer shatter it.

To make me stop thinking about this situation.

Will you never say “no” ? Won’t you rebel someday?

Somebody make me discover the heights of scarification.

Feeling the rupture of my cutaneous layers

Seeing my blood rushing outside, to new world

Somebody please make me feel greater pain than despair.

Somebody make me know the delights of a whip.

This pain will certainly make me forget

your (planned) destiny.

Damn it, we’re talking about Our future – Our life

Won’t you fight for me too?

Won’t you prove them how strong is our love?

Will you always be the influenced one?

Will you always be “THAT FISH caught in THAT NET”?

Someone squeeze my neck with his hands,

so hard that I enjoy the lack of oxygen,

and put my head in water so I’m drowning (for real).

I’m sure that would make me forget my feelings for this place.

You know better. Yet you decide not to do better.

I suppose life in here will always be that way.

You can’t fight your family, can you?

I can’t take you away from your life, can I?

After all, I am the one coming from far away.

In this place, people can’t live their lives.

They live by the script written by their family.

I do not want to keep expecting,

Because I know, sooner or later you will capitulate to the rule.

Somebody.. please.. make me feel extreme pain

So I don’t see you evaporate from my future.

Tic-tac tic-tac. Time doesn’t wait..

To get to your arranged

Engagement.

Magical Vibes

I didn’t want that night to end.
When there was a certain magic in the air.
We both felt it.. Breathed it.. Lived it.
It was a night like no other.
Until then, we were on our own.
But that night, things were different.
It was like there was a need for him to be there
For me to feel complete.
Both generally reserved in our own ways
We were compelled to break open.
Although hurt before,
There was a sign telling us that this was it.
“Try him. Give him a chance..,” Said the voices in my head.
And perhaps he would do the same?
No, we weren’t present in person.
We weren’t beside the other.
But technological advances that sent his voice to me and mine to him,
Made me feel like I was in sync with him.
The vibes were so intimate, in a way that drew me closer to him.
His voice was the only identity I attached to him.
Like a symphony, he spoke to me.
And with it progressing, I knew I was being sucked in..
I was falling for him.
Half drunk, half sober, he admitted the same.
He said my words and my voice tingled his very inner core.
Overwhelmed, I couldn’t react.
I knew I was getting attached to this.. Almost-Stranger.
And once I fall, I definitely fall.
He claimed to feel the same.
So, a leech finally met a leech.

But the night wasn’t young.
And neither were we.
There came a close to the magic.
A close to that infantile attachment.
No, that wasn’t just a moment.
I feel the same every time I talk to him.
Feel like leaning into him, never letting go.
But reality says otherwise.
Being naïve won’t get me anywhere.
And so, we left alone what was ours
Letting fate to decide what is to become of it.

Blinding Maze

Some nights aren’t as good as the rest
Where memories flood in,
The worst of the lot and the best.
Now you may argue it’s fun reliving those moments.
But clearly not when they’re prominently painful instants.
Joy, love, excitement, you generally share with people.
But fear, agony, hurt breaks you alone into pieces.
Your mind isn’t so simple.. It is a blinding maze.
Attempting to figure it out leaves you most definitely in a daze.
There are dark, unsettling sections you dare not visit.
But like it or not, you find yourself in there, locked in a prison.
Your freedom is enchained..
Your imagination goes insane.
No amounts of sweet talking
Can stop you from falling.
You’re a victim of your own mind.
A prisoner lasting a lifetime
Until you gather the strength
To move forth with endurance.
I agree it’s a scary place
So dark you just cannot see.
I’ve been there a million times
Buckling down to trying times.
But life’s too short for you to crumble.
Stop pitying yourself and live life to the fullest.
You will be set free only once you claw your way out the cage
The cage your past, your present, your future creates.
It isn’t an impossible feat,
So don’t just admit defeat.
Go out there and fight it out!
Win against yourself first,
Be it with the rest,
or without.

Inferno

She is..?
Is She, really?
The most beloved person in my world..
If She does exist
You’re wondering why you can’t see Her.
Don’t worry,
I often wonder the same.

A series of excruciating torment,
Helpless onlookers observing
An endeared body rip apart,
Bit by bit,
Right before you.
All you can do is watch.
You are incapable of miracles.
You are feeble, powerless, impotent.
You gape at the person who gave life to you.
You are audience to Her losing all the life She has left.
(In turn diminishing your life
Until it’s an empty vacuum
Hollow and bottomless)
Not all at once,
Oh no, She isn’t that lucky.
But slowly, gradually, painfully.
She passes on..
Leaving the living insensate and benumbed.

Malignancy is not a corporeal disease.
It’s more of a psychological terror and trepidation.
A parasite living off you.
She was host to an unwanted guest.
And soon enough,
She became slave to it.
Her life was controlled
And She was merely a puppet in its strings.

Malignancy..
An inferno igniting a book
Filled with pages of Her life
Each chapter, Her story.
It burned with a blazing fire
Starting from the edges of the book
Unhurriedly kindling further portions
Until all that was left
Was ash.

One gush of the wind
And neither did the embers remain.
This was it.
Questions were left unanswered.
Words were left unspoken.
Reasons were left unexplained.
Appreciation was left untold.
Forgiveness was left unasked.
Love was left hidden.
Apologies were left unsaid.
Life was left incomplete.
And though the inferno swept her clean,
I’m trapped in eternal purgatory.