“Book your flight to Istanbul now!” says an ad. Like some cruel joke. It hasnt even been a week since Ive deleted you off all my inboxes and erased all our history. Virtually of course.
Priorities lay scattered like the papers,
the letters we wrote to each other.
Three calls in, we confessed shyly how we liked each others voices.
Five calls in, you told me how I was a woman of your dreams.
Eight calls in, you slowly, hesitantly confirmed my worst fear. You belonged to another woman. Why was it my worst fear when it was something I should have just expected? Not any more you assured me.
But there was a child. I pretended to be completely alright with it. “I wasnt judging you at all darling. It doesnt affect me. You are important”.
I held back my actual reaction to when I was alone. I didn’t want to lose you so soon.
And I naively thought, neither did you.
And isn’t the easiest to lose someone virtually? There is no physical proof, evidence, process, nothing. The other can cut themselves away just so. Sign out.
Isn’t the very lack of physical evidence the very reason for you to… prioritize?
You seemed relieved, happy that I was a fresh change from your dreary life. When you told me all of it, every day, I patiently listened. Staring into your eyes through a screen. As did you. For minutes together, we stared and smiled, reading each others minds. We knew exactly what we wanted. We quietly whispered. We quickly fell into a routine. Texted each other during daylight. Calling at night. Worrying if the other wasnt online. Wondering if they read our messages. Wondering how it would be to hold the other person, to make breakfast for, to love. In our daily lives, we began searching for things that would remind us of the other person.
We began …
“But we havent even touched each other”. Priorities.
And then suddenly the screen appeared. You saw your reflection on your screen.
It stopped being real for you.
I stopped being real for you.
I became someone else, somewhere far away.
“But we haven’t touched each other.”
I replied. “Priorities”.
I left you just as I came in to your life.